“Bro, are you alpha enough?”
“Do you even lift man?”
“How are you gonna get girls if you’re not alpha?”
Nothing is less helpful than ‘bro’ advice. Perhaps second only to the ‘just be yourself’ lie you’ve been fed by your parents. But well intended friends masking their own insecurities tend to not provide any sage advice for the modern man, which goes ‘hand in glove’ for the advice to be more alpha to attract the girl you want into your life.
The internet is literally swimming in content about what it means to be Alpha and Beta and how these power dynamics can be adjusted for relationships. However I’ve found these terms to be wildly overused and applied ad nauseam to situational behavior, with people thinking that these characteristics define the actual person. I’ve found the definitions to be skewed depending on what corners of the internet you frequent, so if nothing else, think of them for now as abstract placeholders.
This video entry will show you first hand the alpha / beta balance of attraction.
Many young guys think this is all about the cocky dominance brought about by a ripped gym body and asshole tendencies with women. At best this is an attempt to cultivate virtues in themselves which they believe women are attracted to. It’s nothing but an ego of false veneer and not a sign of being alpha. Anyone can be assertive when they want but what does that confidence actually get you?
We can all have a mixture of both tendencies at different times in our lives primarily due to the choices we make around our mindset. Personalities can be very fluid so it’s not uncommon to be confident in certain areas of your life based on the successes you’re having at the time. Going through a purple patch and sleeping with a lot of women, you’ll think you’ve achieved alpha status. Can’t even get a girls number, you’ll be over analyzing why you’ve suddenly become beta.
Having a lot of success does not make you alpha, you succeed because you are alpha. You’re alpha because you overcome mediocrity and succeed, running your life on your terms without a care for what others think.
The purest definition of alpha is steeped not in an exterior, but in the commitment to achieving success at any cost. You do this, because of the confidence in your power, in your desirability, all of which comes from knowing and trusting yourself.
At the end though, it only matters what you do with this information to better yourself. You can sprout about how ‘alpha’ you are to your mates down the pub but it means nothing to anyone except you. Only you know if you’ve got the confidence you talk about. The proof is in your results.
This is important when it comes to attraction and women.
The broad, unsophisticated definition of “Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks” has a fundamental truth to it. Women will pursue some men for sex and others for provisioning of resources. Whether this be in finances or attention, it’s still a transactional form of currency to them. The relevance for you in this post is simple. Women completely adjust their behavior depending on how they categorize you. These traits are at the core of all women.
My goal in this tear down of the ‘The Australian Bachelorette’, is to show you how certain masculine qualities generate the types of attraction they do. This isn’t pointing figures at anyone for being right or wrong or labelling any of the participants on the show. Rather, it’s a demonstration of natural, evolutionary selection based on human categorization. This is not a deliberate riff to try and discredit either of these 3 contestants. The context here is simply to show how attraction works and why women make the decisions they do at certain junctions in their life.
The take away here is pretty simple. Attraction is based on your behavior and how you’re perceived.
However to start with, how well do you think you know attraction and what women want from you?
Attraction is not as complex as you’d think, once you reframe your mindset that women and men are wired differently you’ll lose the notion that it’s all about physical appearances. Men are fundamentally attracted to the aesthetics of the feminine form, but whilst this is partially true for women, it’s not the only thing. We both know that you’ve already made up your mind about a woman well before a word has even been spoken. But how does this work for women?
In the female mind, true desire cannot be negotiated. Pure attraction is multi layered and doesn’t happen through a conversation of well scripted lines. Attraction is an emotional reaction, not a logical one. Attraction has a left and a right though, which for the logically minded man to understand, means it comes in 2 distinct parts. She has the biological craving for safety and nurturing, while also having her clothes ripped off and bent over without a word being spoken.
It’s these two opposing forces that are in a constant delicate balance when she’s characterizing you, but make no mistake, they are always active in her subconscious.
If you want to be really good at mastering attraction, you need to calibrate your actions and posture to satisfy both. The same woman who tells you she never goes home with men on first dates, will also have sex in a nightclub toilet with the bartender without even saying a word. What feelings do you bring out in her?
Your job as the man, is to balance the ‘feeling’ she’s getting from you knowing her interest in simultaneously satisfying both primal desires. Think of attraction as your job to make sure the dancing never ends. For women, it’s not the lyrics their interested in, but the feeling that comes from the song you’re playing. Too much volume in one area will drown out the other.
For the discussion, let’s work with the left hemisphere first. Imagine it’s driven by releases in Oxycontin and all about comfort, about nurturing and trust. This is the part of the brain that craves safety and security. Want to kill this part of attraction? Gamble the family savings or be flippant with money, lose your job and ask her to become the main breadwinner for a long period of time, allow your mother to dictate terms of your relationship and influence what you say and do. All of these show you have little space for her to be comfortable in trusting your guidance and direction. Result, attraction dies. However if all you bring to the relationship is a decent job and good manners, attraction may never even start.
I’m a firm believer that if you create too much of the comfort feeling, typically associated with the definition of a ‘beta mindset’, then you’ll wind up as the dutiful worker bee getting star fish sex once a month to just keep you happy. Is this what you want?
The right hemisphere, has an endorphin / dopamine profile associated with feelings of infatuation, lust and love. This is wildly chemically similar to that of heroin. Guys who do this well are supremely confident in their own value, don’t care what other people think and stand up for themselves with rock solid boundaries. They’re also likely to be in top shape, care about their style and have a swagger about them which makes men want to be like them and women want to fuck.
If you’re great at spiking deep feelings of immediate desire and attraction, can you balance that in the longer term but making her feel a sustained desire for you without leaving you?
You can be both of these archetypes at different times in your life and still not have any success with women. Without the right balance of these 2 sides of attraction, you’re not going to be enjoying the regular and lasting connection of sex. I don’t care whether this is day 1 or day 1,001, the need to have desire felt for you is the same, it’s just that it comes from a variety of different sources. She will be constantly testing your frame to make sure you’re the guy who’s worth her time. If the attraction dies, or never even starts, it’s because you’ve allowed it to with your behaviors.
Let’s break this down with some real world practicality.